Of tempests in teapots...

Hi, readers.

I know it's only been a couple of days since I posted last, but I've had some huge revelations since then and feel the need to go public. Some of this involves confessions, some involves prophetic vision and some involves learning how to deal with my wife (who by the way gave me permission to publish this). Well, you'll see.

Let me begin by confessing that I have come to realize that I have learned a whole massive truckload about God and his divine plan and his mercy and grace and holy wrath and Christian discipline and the Bible and his love and his Son and ...I could go on and on for hours about what I know about him... and after all that I don't know him. At least not as well as I thought I did.

See, I have not been turning to him with my difficulties, my shortcomings, my dreams, or my stumbles. I know this is a common problem among many Christians, especially those in the North American branch of the church, but it is affecting me now, so I'm going to rail about it for a bit if you'll allow me a moment's rant. I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT TO DO WITH MY FAMILY!!! I don't understand my wife. Let me say it again. I do not understand my wife. She is always angry at me for that. I try. I really do. But I just don't. She isn't consistent. She isn't motivated. She complains constantly about everyone else at our church and gets angry when I propose solutions because I DON'T GET IT!!! She regularly commissions me to be the husband, father and leader of the family, but absolutely refuses to give me authority or even permission to perform those roles. I am constantly annoyed that my children can't listen and follow simple instructions without me incessantly badgering them to do what they're told. I am forever angry that I am powerless in my own home to get things done because she won't support me. I fear I am being held back from fulfilling God's purpose for me because my wife won't let go of the rope, and then I fear that by thinking that I am betraying my family and contradicting God's command to be family-oriented first. So then I get discouraged and go off and read my bible in a huff and find comforting or exciting words and weep for joy or in pain and start each new day with the intention of seeking first the Kingdom of Heaven, which of course lasts as long as it takes for the first thing to go wrong, and then I'm swearing a blue streak because I get convinced that I'm trapped in a fruitless existence and a dead-end job and a marriage that is so close to burning itself out that I must tip-toe around my wife lest I spark her ire once more and risk her yelling at me once more that she has no idea why we're together and that she wants a divorce, only to take a three-hour nap and come out all huggy and kissy and asking if I still love her... Is this a marriage that has any hope of surviving?

God says that it is. I do my best to trust him. This is why I don't follow the contemporary world's example and walk out, saying that life's too short and I'm worth more than this. I pray hard that somehow God's purpose in this will be revealed, but as yet I've had little indication of that. God says all will be revealed in HIS time. Again, I must trust him, so I wait and try not to get my wife mad at me, yet it seems that whenever anyone else irks her, I get the backlash. And if she does say anything retributive to the offending party, it's generally something she ends up apologizing for later, because hell hath no fury like Candice scorned, regardless of whether her anger is righteous or not. My sin in all this is that although Candice is what I perceive to be my cross that I must drag through the streets, I cannot keep my eyes focused on things above. I have a downcast face like Cain in Genesis, chapter 4. I am frustrated that my life is so frustrating that I don't remember to take the Lord into account until after whatever dust raised by our little tempest settles so that I can see him again. And then I feel ashamed and repentant, only to let it happen again.

Believe me my friends when I say I don't know how much longer I can hold out. I ask God time and again to transform my heart into the loving, patient and charitable one his followers preach about in Scripture, but I get shot down when my wife won't follow me into faith. She has no qualms about telling me where I'm stumbling in my walk with Jesus, but won't walk with him, talk to him or even read God's word for herself. She asks our pastoral leadership to pray for whatever she needs prayer for, and asks for their counsel on spiritual matters, but feels silly praying and has no time or patience to read the bible. And when I get excited about what God is doing in my life, she tells me that it's all about me and that she wants to drop out of church or go to another one or stop hosting a small group or whatever because (as I see it) she absolutely cannot give the Lord room to work. Yes, I am supposed to support my wife when she is upset, but am I supposed to completely allow her rash reactions to damage our relationships with fellow believers? Am I supposed to let her have her rants and supercede God's grace because she's in a mood brought on by the supposedly unbiblical way that another fellow believer or our church leaders are behaving, even though her relationship with God himself is at best spotty.

I confess that in making myself available to God to perform his works and shine the Light, I have proven ineffective at sowing the Seed in my own home, but I don't preach ceaselessly and emptily at my family, nor do I punish them by engaging in harmful behaviour like drinking and gambling and socializing with unsavoury characters and adultery and domestic violence. I get frustrated, yes. I yell at my kids more than I should, yes. I resent having the mantle of husband/father/leader in name only. I feel impotent and out of spiritual shape, and I haven't followed Jesus for even a year yet. It always seems I have to choose between God's will and my wife's. I don't want out of my marriage. Let me say it again. I DON'T WANT OUT OF MY MARRIAGE! I just can't seem to build a Christ-centered household if my wife keeps standing in the way and if I can't learn to have patience with her and trust that God is here and is working on the problem.

Today I was shown that there is hope yet. And I thank God for it. Let me break it down. A few months ago, my friend and brother Larry, who has frequent prophetic visions, gathered our senior pastor and I together to share a dream he'd had about me. In that dream, Larry said, I was in a room with several other Christians and was being operated on surgically. The purpose was to alter my ability to reproduce spiritually. In other words, it was a dream that depicts the enemy screwing with me. In recent weeks I have felt the uncomfortable impotence that accompanies the sharing of the Gospel against unhearing ears and unseeing eyes and skeptical, hostile hearts. I have of late felt my level of Holy Spirit waning within me, or that the Spirit's work within me is being blocked and foiled at every turn because my family life is not spotless and centered in the image of Christ as it should be. Basically that my spirit is out of shape in a big way. Then, this past week I had a dream after praying fervently with my home church group that God would grant me wisdom and more effectiveness in my witness of the Gospel. In that dream, our associate pastor's wife was leading me across a field to what was supposedly their home, though I've seen their house and this wasn't it. In the dream, their house was immense and rectangular, more like a warehouse or factory than a dwelling. She told me that she and her husband had built for me a gym in their home. As she led me inside, I saw that some rooms were furnished with antiques, while others were more contemporary. Some of the house was rustic and some of it was modern and it was all very elegant. The gym was equipped with all the practical amenities for strength and fitness training and not filled with unnecessary junk.

I wondered about this dream for a few days, and didn't really connect with its meaning until this morning at church when the pastor (whose wife led me in the dream) spoke from 2 Corinthians chapter 4, which spoke to me that the minds of non-believers are blinded purposefully (by the enemy) from seeing the glory of Jesus Christ our Lord, and that it is, in a nutshell, not our words as Christians that open the veil over their eyes but the Holy Spirit working through us as we witness for him. Not by our ability (or fitness) to convince them with fancy diatribe, but by the Spirit of God flowing from heaven, through Jesus, through us, into the hearts of the unsaved and effectively snatching them from the jaws of hell. Jesus, you are my king! I had forgotten, but it wasn't fancy words that grabbed me last year. It was Holy Spirit himself that came into my very soul and saved me from the lie I was living. Praise him, my brothers and sisters!

Then I came home and everything went for crap. My wife was upset that the worship team had chosen to sing "Jesus Loves Me" at the end of the service and had excluded the younger children. Once again, she was mad enough that she now wants to look for another church where the kids are a part of every service. She says that kids are made to sit for an hour and a half and aren't drawn into the Christian life by the pastoral leaders in ways children can understand or be interested in. Instead the kids are bored and fidgety and all she can do is sit and feel angry instead of taking the message in. As I tried to calm her and suggest ways to make services at our church more child-friendly, or that she should apply for church council or something, I only seemed to be making it worse. Again, because I don't get it! I just don't know what more I can do. I love her. I love my kids. I love my church family. I love the Lord. I certainly am not trying to divert attention away from myself and lay the blame all on my wife. I know I could show a heck of a lot more of his grace and love to them than I do. It just seems that when I try, I'm ineffective and the enemy gets an argument going instead. A tempest in a teapot, as it were. And I let him do it, by letting it frustrate me so easily.

So, I'll ask you all to pray for me and my family in the coming weeks. Pray that I can once and for all repent of the ease with which I slip into frustration and anger. Pray that I can focus more on things above than below, and that I not allow my joy in the Lord be stolen by others, but that it strengthen me and make me shine God's light. Just pray for God's will for my family to be revealed in a glorious and unmistakable way, and that we deepen our relationship with him personally. I for one do not plan on switching churches. I love it here as a member of Kingsfield-Zurich! My fellowship with this church family has been almost a year of the most fulfilling learning of my life. My family has received so much love and encouragement that I can't describe it all. As I continue to push ahead toward my own future ministry, I will be trying to keep my eyes upward and my hands raised high and my wife and family will just have to live with me. They may not like it, but it's time I became the leader of my family in deed as well as word. We will all be better for it.

Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go and give my wife and kids a big hug and a kiss.

See you next issue.

How will you take it?

Welcome back, fellow followers of Jesus Christ and seekers of truth. I hope this issue finds you well on this beautiful autumn day. I hope everyone had a safe and fulfilling summer. I took a break from writing for the hotter months. Let's jump right in and explore today's topic, shall we? I'm excited to get this out!

I have recently become aware that I have a very bad habit, one that many of us have, I fear, if we are followers of Jesus. That habit is the smooth sliding into indifference and self-reliance. It's an easy habit to form, and a difficult one to break. As humans, it is our nature (in the West, anyway) to become easily bored with things when they cease to be new and constantly under improvement. The latest dance craze, video game, software, TV show, website, or music sensation only has a limited half-life before we tuck it away in favour of something newer and more exciting, only to re-visit it in the name of nostalgia when there's nothing else to do.

Sadly, the same seems to be true of faith and obedience to our Lord. I know some of you are having a fit right now that I've dared to say so. But someone had to say it. Yes, you go to a particularly moving service, or worship event, or read a really exciting article in a Christian magazine, or a great book detailing a new revelation the author has experienced and you're all aglow for a week or two, maybe longer. But it fades, doesn't it? And if we aren't excited about something, we put it aside. We vow to look at it again later, but when we don't we justify it by saying that it was a chapter in our life and we've moved on. Sadly, some do this with God.

In the realm of self-reliance, we use all of the skills and motivation we have been given (they really are a gift, you know) to carve out a life that is either meaningful or pure drudgery depending on how much effort we put into it. We get an exciting professional career, or a boring min-wage job. We buy a big house, or a trailer. We buy a Lexus, or a Civic. We get married, or just float from partner to partner. We pick up a Bible, or a copy of some new half-baked, Oprah-endorsed self-help book. And we are bent and determined that we are the ones in control of our destiny, and no one can take that from us. My brothers and sisters, I am just as guilty. And the question preying on my thoughts these days is this: How will I take it?

How will you take it? How will you react when the day finally comes and Jesus returns? We Christians like to think we'll all just wink out and wake up in heaven, or be borne up by some mysterious force or perhaps an angel or maybe even Jesus himself into the clouds, accompanied by the rest of the faithful. (See 1 Thessalonians 4:13-17). Most atheists obviously aren't worried. Or are they? Could that be why they're so angry? Anger is usually born out of fear of some kind. (To my atheist readers, I can only say that I was one of you once, and am speaking from my own experience. If you have anything to say on the subject, please do!) But I stray from the point.

When the day comes, and the faithful are taken to Heaven, how will you take it if it should somehow happen that you aren't counted among them? That for all the prayer and mission work and Sunday service attendance and soup kitchen ministry and hours upon hours of street witnessing, our Lord and Saviour somehow feels you've missed the mark and need a bit more time to repent and strengthen your faith during the chaos that promises to be the Great Tribulation? Now, I don't want to scare anybody. Certainly fear is not a thing our God intends for us to bear in our hearts. I feel however that just hearing it on Sunday morning and then walking straight out into the world feeling empowered to control our own destiny instead of really confessing our underlying evils and our arrogance in thinking that we know better than God how to conduct our own affairs in this world is not only a non-biblical doctrine, but it's absolutely sinful. Great, another sin to repent of...

Let's turn our attention to Job 28:28 for a second: "And he said to man, 'the fear of the Lord - that is wisdom, and to shun evil is understanding.' " (NIV) By 'fear of the Lord,' what is meant is not that God is worthy only of our cowering in terror before him. Fear of the Lord is wisdom because it gives us the incentive we need to overcome our sinful choices and behaviour. As we begin to truly understand that God is so terrifyingly powerful and so gloriously holy and so ever-present in our daily lives, we begin even subconsciously to shun evil, to make better choices and enter a state of true repentance.

Once engaged, this repentance really lifts a weight off your shoulders, believe you me. If you put it in its true perspective, repentance is actually a God-gifted freedom from any sinful behaviour that practically guarantees that we won't engage in that behaviour again. Prayer, supplication to the Lord and a sincere desire to serve him will continue upon that guarantee. This is not to say that, as some atheists and pagans love to spout, that Christian spiritual freedom is actually a form of slavery with an omnipotent, merciless tyrant as the master, demanding selfless joyful obedience with one hand and whipping his supplicants savagely with flails fashioned from their own guilt and shame. From an impatient, intolerant antichrist point of view, that may be what it looks like, especially when some church leaders and elders misrepresent the Gospel and God's grace and rave on about how bad we all are.

The truth of the matter is, as evil as our carnal minds, proud hearts and the sins of the flesh are, they are no match for the grace of the Lord Almighty, who recognized even before the universe began that we were slaves to evil and sent his one and only Son to take sin into himself and die a horrible, bloody death at the hands of those who claimed to know God in order that we could be made right in his sight once and for all! So you see, we obey joyfully because we are already free! As Christians, we must not have guilt or fear, but joy and thankfulness for every breath we take. And this defines faith, my people. The recognition and acceptance of our freedom because of the love of our creator for his children. To love him back with every fiber of our being, and love each other as we love ourselves are the cornerstone of our Christian lives. Upon these two concepts hang every single other command the Lord ever issued, because if we remain true to these two, every other one will follow. We will see the hungry, and give them food out of love for the Lord as much as out of love for his hungry child, who is our brother because we too are God's children. We will see the naked shivering and cold and we will give them clothes or a blanket out of the same two loves. We will see the stranger, and give him a place to stay for the night because we, as God's children, love all of God's other children and we love God himself who made us as we are and loves us all the same. If the love in our hearts for God and each other is true, then we will have true faith, and simultaneously with true faith comes our ability to receive the free gift of salvation. It's ours for the taking.

So I ask again. How will you take it?

I'll take mine on my knees, thank you.

See you next time.

All good things...

Hi, everyone. Hope you all had a good couple of weeks. At long last, I have returned with goodies to share...

I learned a couple of tough lessons in the last few days. Not harsh rebukes or a painful process of discipline, just concepts that, frankly, a new Christ Follower like me needs to learn eventually, preferably sooner than later, and that for a former nonbeliever might be really difficult to wrap one's faith around. After all, as a nonbeliever, you wrap yourself in the cloak of "it's not possible." Some of that follows one into Christianity. Maybe not all new Christians, but I'll bet a goodly portion of them have trouble with this. Let me explain.

Someone raised in a healthy Christian home is taught from infancy that the Lord is real, alive and integral to our daily existence. All concepts spoken of in the Bible are commonplace topics of conversation among others of like faith. Even many of those who turn away don't stop believing; they just stop communicating with God. Someone who never really believed in the first place, like me, can be thrust into the world of God's people very quickly after the realization that the Lord is in fact real, and wants relationship with us on a personal level. One hears all sorts of unfamiliar diatribe that he/she used to shy away from. Concepts of faith healing, speaking in tongues, praying in groups, gifts of the Spirit, etc. don't often come up in mixed company, unless someone is poking fun at Christians, like I used to. To hear oneself speaking of these things seriously in a group of believers, all listening politely and not laughing at the one speaking is, for some, almost surreal. And processing them as part of the reality of God's kingdom, for real, no foolin', honest-to-goodness and all that, well, that's a horse of a different colour.

But it goes far deeper than that. Max Lucado writes that one of the fundamental questions people need to ask themselves when confronted with the Word of God is this: "Can I believe this?" Not, "Do I," or "Must I," but "Can I?" Here is where faith is tested at the core of our existence. I used to think I had to believe or do all the things God commands and swallow some pretty tough concepts whether I really believed them or not. This, I find recently, is not what it means to follow God's commands. It's simply, 'keeping up with the Christian Joneses.' The Lord doesn't want half-hearted faith and works without faith, "all our righteous acts are like filthy rags" (Isaiah 64:6) before Him. So can we believe that His Word is true, really true, and not just the popular diatribe spouted off by half-hearted, cookie-cutter Christians regurgitated in the hopes that God will show favour to them for evangelizing in His name when in fact they don't really know if it's true or not? The Word is true, my friends. Don't just say it. KNOW IT!

How do we know it? God promises that if "you seek the LORD your God, you will find Him if you seek Him with all your heart and with all your soul." (Deuteronomy 4:29). How then shall we seek Him? A number of avenues are open to us. We are not simply commanded to be weak-minded peons created to be used as pawns in some huge game that we were not meant to understand, just accept. A great many churches these days preach that same message: "Don't question the Lord. He will punish you. Just do what He commands without question and put extra in the collection plate and you'll be OK." Why would God create us with a curious mind and a strong human will if not to use them to seek out the truth of His Word? We were made to find our way back to Him! Isn't that awesome?! As I said, many avenues are open to us. So, I'll lay a few of them out there as I see them.

The first in my mind is prayer. Asking God if He is real, if He is there and if He sees us and loves us anyway is how I personally came to find Him. He answered me with a resounding, "YES!" The experience is different for everyone, and I'm not offering anything resembling a formula for proper prayer that the Lord will certainly answer so that there will be no doubt in your mind. In fact, all I'm saying is that if you ask, he will answer. How is solely left to His all-wise discretion.

Secondly, I encourage those who've ever been told by a 'Christian' that science is against God to take a look at that again. Scientific studies today are pointing to evidence of intelligent design like never before. The Theory of Evolution is sinking fast, as science punches more and more holes in its already shaky hull. This is not to say that Charles Darwin and his ilk are nothing but idiots. Someone who is distant from the Lord may possess a high degree of intelligence, but may not allow room for God into his search for truth. Science, by its very nature is the search for the truth. I believe it is one of the methods God empowered us with to find Him. We are learning more and more about the laws of the universe, about how if certain things like the range of gravity or the rate of expansion of the universe were off by just a slight amount, life could not exist. If the sun were hotter or cooler; if we were a few thousand miles closer or further away from it; if we were outside of the habitable zone of the Milky Way galaxy; if, if, if... Any of those conditions would result in the impossibility of life on Earth. Further, up to this point there has been NO evidence to support the theories of multiple universes, or that the universe was created in a great explosion, or that life began as the result of a random chemical reaction enacted by lightning hitting a pool of primordial slime and creating the amino acids that are the building blocks of life. These are easy theories that were generated by the minds of men struggling to find a way to explain creation without a Creator. These ideas can even be demonstrated using contrived conditions in a lab, but real scientific evidence today seems to point to an Intelligence behind creation and sadly, scientists who say so tend to be thrown out of the scientific community by the others. The genome, DNA, bacterial flagella, the living cell, gravity, magnetism, the Cambrian Explosion. Look them up. Take time to really understand them. You may be surprised to find how hard it is to believe secular theorists after seeing the majesty of what God made.

Third, read the Bible. I kid you not. Anyone can sit and watch a TV evangelist regurgitate some lesson from Scripture and then choose to see it their way or not. Anyone can take what they may have learned about God in public school if they are my age, or the basic knowledge of Christianity they may pick up from casual references to Him they hear in passing. But to investigate His Word for themselves is a way of truly seeking Him with intent to find Him. To inform oneself about something is the only way to discern whether to accept or reject it as truth. People who say that the Bible contradicts itself have not read it, or were looking for contradictions to begin with and the mere appearance of contradiction sets them off dancing victoriously that they've found evidence that God is false. Well, brothers and sisters, any apparent contradiction may come from the fact that the Bible was written by many different authors interpreting God's Word for the writing of His story. If the accounts, like the Gospels for example, were identical, the secularists would scream "COLLUSION! They must have all got their stories straight before they wrote it." But the whole of the Bible is the beginning-to-end dynamic that can shape a person's life in the way they were intended to be. It is the solution to all of the world's problems. Why is the Bible full of war? To show why war is not the way! Why is the Bible full of casual premarital sex and adultery? To show why it is wrong and expose the damage it can do to families and individual lives. Why is the Bible full of stories of people who say they are righteous and then go and commit murder, sexual sin, thievery, blasphemy and the worshiping of idols, and then some are punished while some are forgiven by God? Well, read for yourself and talk to others and the why will be revealed. I guarantee it. Read it again, and more will be revealed. Read it daily, and the Lord will reveal Himself to you through His Word. You can trust that, readers. Trust Him. He loves us and would never lead us astray.

Some go into the wilderness and wait for visions. Some climb mountains and call out to Him. Some cloister themselves away in monasteries and study ancient religious texts. Whatever method you are called upon to undertake to find the Lord your God, I suggest you follow it. God wants every single person to come to Him.

And He saw that it was good...

Welcome back, beloved readers. After the harrowing twist-turn I put you through last time, I'm glad you came back. Because I have something to share with you.

The last few days have been a difficult period of adjustment for me, and the next few will probably not differ much from the last few. You see, my period of repentance has actually, tangibly begun. And it hurts. I kid you not. This is an incredibly painful time. But then again, no one ever said dying was a pleasant experience. Just ask our Lord.

First, let's rewind and re-cap briefly. I made my confession of Jesus as Lord and invited him into my life on November 9, 2007. On that day, I supposedly died to my worldly life and was reborn as a new creation in Christ. Who supposed that? Oh, yeah, I did. Well, I'm a newbie, so you'll have to bear with me. After all the whole point of this blog is to chronicle my journey with our Saviour, noting milestones and way markers along the road. Well, I hit a milestone and thought you should know. Since my conversion from Green Witch to Christ Follower, I have been immersed in the true Word of God, and also in the world, chock full of false teachings and skewed Christian philosophy. TV, radio, Internet, literature. Unsure of which parts to believe and which to reject, I tend to lean on my church leaders for clarity, sometimes I think to the point where they're probably soon going to refer me to the deacons because I place such a heavy demand on them. Just kidding. They're great people. Wise, humble and patient men whose guidance has been invaluable, and who, without the Lord, could very well have been me.

So, once I converted, I assumed logically that I was already a new creation. I've been told by a good friend that I have a keen spiritual insight. As a result, I jumped right in and started soaking in all the church activities I could: I attended two Promise Keepers men's conferences, I've taken up learning to play piano again and have considered joining a worship team. I've preached a sermon, spoken in public a few times, ministered to friends and evangelized to co-workers. I pray all the time and believe that every last word of the Bible is the truth. And all that is about ME. Yep, I didn't know it, but I had reverted to an old pattern of behaviour. Lacking the adoration of the Beloved Son from my earthly father, I had become accustomed to garnering praise from others, be they friends, family, associates, co-workers or more recently, my brethren in the church. Not to say that in doing these activities I had no intention of doing God's will, or revealing His glory to the world. On the contrary, that was my primary objective to start with, but then I go and louse it up by sharing my experiences with everyone who'll listen, and suck up the praise. I occasionally need a reminder to be humble.

And at heart, I really am. More than you might think. See, when I was a child, my dad wasn't exactly proactive about raising his son. Any attempts to get his attention were generally met with a snarl of, "Go outside and play," or "Find something to do," and were only rarely acknowledged at all except with anger or the three or four paltry attempts at showing fatherly affection for me while he was plastered. The rest of the time, I remained rarely seen and even more rarely heard. All the while I was shepherded by my mom who, although she tried her best, could not instill in me those qualities that can only be endowed by a father, or better still a group of men. As you can imagine, I grew up scared of everything, protected and sheltered from everything, and unsure of myself. I believed, as my dad once told me, that all I could do was "shit and fall in it." (Again, pardon the language, but that's what he said...) My mom tried to build my confidence, saying I was smart, kind, caring and honest, but I was a wimp and I knew it. I was angry. All the time. I was just too scared to vent it. So I let it out by doing nice things and sucking up the adulation.

In my teens I spent a lot of time reading, or playing it safe with the few bookworm friends I had. Most of our adventure and excitement was found in the realm of Dungeons and Dragons. There I got to be a hero, a warrior, and at one point even a god. My grades suffered, of course, but school held little interest for me. In school, I was a wallflower. In D&D, I was a force to be reckoned with.

Anyway, I'm straying from the topic. What I need to say is that the other day, an event occurred which triggered the onset of true repentance, and the renovation of my heart. My father came by the house for a quick visit. The conversation was light, as usual, because my dad usually doesn't let it get too deep. But then I somehow felt the need to challenge him with regard to his poor opinion of certain people, and a small argument ensued. But he knew I was right. He then said he was done arguing, and that he raised my brother and I, and that we both have jobs and that's all he cares about.

At that point, I knew that my father was lost to me. Because he is still scared. His father treated him worse than he treated me. He's been a scared little boy inside for longer than I've been alive. And since a fatherless child can't properly raise a son, my mom was left to muddle through. He worked crazy hours, bags of overtime and was rarely home when I was. It was only after my mom had enough and divorced him that he turned to me for a relationship. It was OK for a while, but once he remarried and had a stable home again, he stopped trying. I was forced to accept who he was and deal with it, and of course, being afraid of confrontation, I just lived and let live. Nothing got resolved and my wound just festered. But this time it was different. And I knew what my kids had to look forward to if I didn't turn to my real Father and accept his discipline, his love, and his guidance. And the first step is confession of my wound. So here it is. I'm an unfinished man under the tutelage of my heavenly Father, and in the company of His people, and I'm on the path to becoming a good and whole person in Jesus Christ our Lord. I am dying. My old self is dying. Baptism is a symbol of death and rebirth, but it is God who chooses when this will truly occur.

I will therefore finish out the grieving process and press on into new territory. I feel a cleansing taking place as I grieve, and as I confess these things to you, dear readers, the Lord is stripping all the rotten timbers out of my heart and will soon begin the rebuilding process. As these things are realized, my marriage too is greatly improving, although I think my wife is rather enjoying having her husband reduced to a raw, sensitive bundle of emotions, easily confused, easily distracted and easily brought to tears. Like all good meals, this too shall pass, and the healing can begin. So I'll take these last few lines and bless those who stand with me in sight of the Lord, and tell them how blessed I feel that my Father is raising his boy through them. Praise be to Him who brought me to Zurich and interceded as a true Dad to heal my wounds and make me the man he intended for me to be when He made me, and saw that I was good. Amen.

See you next time. Have a blessed week.

No one righteous,..

Sin is sin, right? No matter whether it's the petty theft of a paper clip from your boss's desk, or the cold-blooded murder of a thousand people, all sins are treated as equal in the eyes of God. It is this basic truth we must always remember when casting our human judgment upon those around us. This issue, I am going to try and flesh out the concept of who Jesus Christ really is and why we need him so.

Before understanding Jesus though, we really need to take a hard look at ourselves. As human beings we are under sin from birth. We can't help it. We can't avoid it. Our parents, grandparents and ancestors were all sinners. Every last one. Our pastors, elders, deacons, teachers, TV evangelists, biblical scholars, neighbours, friends and children are all sinners. Every last one. Every politician, every medical professional, every social worker, every businessman, everyone wealthy and every poor, homeless person, all sinners. Surrounded by sins, and people committing them left and right, how can anyone even hope to avoid sin? Why isn't there a set of instructions that we can follow to keep our souls clean?

Oh, right, there is. It's called the Bible. Old Testament books tell us the Law as God wants it. It gives us a complete list of all the things we must do to remain spotless, perfect, pure and worthy of Heaven. It's about as exciting to read as the Criminal Code of Canada, and tends to induce more snores than songs of praise. Yet, it is the only way we can avoid the infernal fires of doom at the end, isn't it? I mean, God isn't exactly accepting animal sacrifices or burnt offerings or drink offerings or wave offerings or grain offerings anymore. In Isaiah 1:13, the Lord says, "Bring your worthless offerings no longer, Incense is an abomination to Me. New moon and sabbath, the calling of assemblies-- I cannot endure iniquity and the solemn assembly." In Isaiah 66:3, He goes further: "But he who kills an ox is like one who slays a man; He who sacrifices a lamb is like the one who breaks a dog's neck; He who offers a grain offering is like one who offers swine's blood; He who burns incense is like the one who blesses an idol. As they have chosen their own ways, And their soul delights in their abominations;" sounds like God giving up hope for us, doesn't it? Stop scrolling and think about this for just a moment.

Before, when God set out the Law, and the various ways we could cleanse ourselves of sin, was it not almost obvious that as humans we would eventually start just sinning and sacrificing under the Law, and not even trying to serve God? Doing whatever we want and paying for it with the blood of animals, or the fruits of our wealth? Having our cake and eating it too? Isn't it natural for many of us to read the rules of anything we do and then try to push our limits as far as they'll stretch? This is OK, but that's not. In the movie "The Devil's Advocate," Al Pacino as the Devil mocks God by saying, "Look, but don't touch; touch, but don't taste; taste, but don't swallow; and while you're jumping from foot to foot, what's God doing? He's laughing His f&!#ing @$$ off!" Please pardon the language, but it's a direct quote, and sometimes a bit of strong offensive language tends to shake people awake. I'll try to keep it clean from here on in.

We are born imperfect and prone to temptation as a result of the Fall. But even before God created Adam and Eve, He knew they would succumb to temptation. He knew they would screw up and already had their punishment in store. Our mere existence today was never meant to take place in the garden of Eden. God knew we'd never see it in our lifetime. He was here, watching over our future selves, even when we were children, even before we were born here on Earth. He is all places at all times. So why write the Law? Why make all these rules? Why if He knows what will happen before it happens does He expect us to follow His instructions? Especially knowing that we will try to do it the easy way, bending the rules a bit to make it easier for us, and then going to church and hiding our shame, all the while pointing fingers at those who've been caught sinning. Here's the truth. In Romans, chapter 3, the apostle Paul illustrates this point with a paraphrase of the focus of Psalms 14, 53 and Ecclesiastes 7. "There is no one righteous, not even one."

What does this mean? What God says to me is that none of us are capable of obediently following the entire Law as set out in the books of Moses. None of us as we are today are worthy of Heaven. And since sacrifices will no longer cleanse our souls of sin, we are walking around the world just reeking of sin every day. As good, godly and righteous as we try to be, the harsh words we said to our peers as children still cling to us. The time we kept the extra change we got as a result of the cashier's mistake, or the time we looked too long at that attractive person on the beach, or the time we struck a deal with the Lord to save our child from illness which we never honoured though He did; these things are stuck to us and we carry them through our lives. The slightest of these is enough to bar us from entering the glorious gates of Heaven, to void our ticket, as it were. And with only sinners as examples to follow through our lives, it is absolutely impossible to remain sinless. In the end, the Law was created by God to serve as a guideline, but also as a reminder that we are unable to follow it completely and that we need Him to save us from ourselves.

My wife and I came into this church as sponges, soaking up as much of God's holiness and Jesus' way as we could. We look to the elders, the pastoral team and the older, more experienced Christians with whom we worship the Lord to help guide our steps in our walk with Jesus, but in essence, is this not the blind leading the blind? Honestly, I love my new friends dearly, and look up to them when I get discouraged in my own journey. They have an understanding of Jesus' way that I can learn much from. Yet, I must also bear in mind that they, too are sinners, and therefore are an imperfect example. Therefore I must line up their advice with the Word of God and ask this question: What would Jesus do? Is he not the literally perfect example?

Why? Because Jesus is the one man who never sinned. That's why. He is the only example I know of who will never lead me into unrighteousness. Now, this further begs the question: Will I follow his example? Is it possible to follow in Jesus' footsteps every step of the way? In this day and age, where sin adorns every street corner and mankind has turned against one another and in general people will do what it takes to "keep up with the Joneses," can the body of Christ actually do it? We who save our worship for Sunday and say the drab little prayer of thanks at mealtimes as long as no one of the world is watching? We who say we aren't ashamed of him, and yet keep quiet when the name of Jesus should be proclaimed loudly. Can we follow him? Not without suffering. I say this not to imply that you need to go out and inflict needless pain upon yourselves to suffer for his sake. But I say that it's not for us to judge whether the world is ready to hear his Word. It's not for us to judge when the time is right. Suddenly, dying to our old lives and becoming a new creation doesn't seem so easy. And it's not. But there is incalculable joy attached to the carrying of our cross. And so I come to the point of this long-winded essay.

Jesus teaches us that whoever believes in him will be cleansed of all sin and have eternal life. If we believe that he was born in human form as the Son of God, that he died on the cross at Calvary and after three days rose again in the flesh and walked among his followers before being bodily taken up into Heaven, then our sins, which we've spent our whole lives accumulating, will be washed away instantly and the Lord will welcome us into His kingdom, pure and unmarked, at the time of our earthly demise. So, by enduring our punishment for us, Jesus set the example, and as the world descends into sin, we find fewer good examples of righteousness. It is imperative that we focus on the cross every day.

Do we have the strength to do that? In order to actually be his disciples, we need to learn to endure the suffering that comes with that. This suffering includes learning his way, not just the parts we like or find exciting. This suffering means graciously smiling while others look disgustedly at you when the name of Jesus falls from your lips. This suffering means sometimes enduring the smell, even the fleas of an unwashed homeless person who desperately needs someone to talk to or just a hug. This suffering includes standing up and saying, "Hey, this isn't right," even when the entire group of people in the conference room groans and grumbles, "Oh, there goes the Christian, making things difficult." Sometimes this suffering includes walking away from wealth and glory when the acquisition of of these will require that we compromise our belief in the one and only Son. Is it not that belief, that simple knowledge that it was Jesus that saved us from the fires of hell, that is our prepaid ticket into eternal life in Heaven in the first place? Can we honestly justify trading that ticket in for comfort when the Christian life gets tough?

What did Jesus do? He never ignored wrongdoing. He never just let things slide. He always led with love, but never compromised God's will. Jesus always gave his all to set things right. Sometimes it was inconvenient for him. Sometimes he put up with hypocrites and nay-sayers mocking him. Sometimes he had to stay after school and help those who were struggling. Sometimes he had to repeat the same lesson over and over until somebody finally got the message. Once, he was tortured and beaten and scourged and forced to carry a big, hulking piece of lumber through the street while people jeered and scorned him and pelted him with rotten vegetables. One time, the bastards hung him on a cross and left him to die. Think about that.

This is what I wanted to talk about today. Is Jesus the center of your life? Are you setting your jaw and walking through the fire for Him every day? I thought I would, too. It's OK. It's a common problem. Mark 8:34-35 says this: "Then he called the crowd to him along with his disciples and said, 'If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me and for the gospel will save it.'" Sometimes the crosses we take up every day in order to follow our Lord are not the big, heavy ones. Sometimes we forget our cross at home, or take the little one and stick it in our pocket on our way out the door in the morning. We come to church and hear the pastor or whoever speak and sing and exchange smiles with our fellow Christians, hiding any hardship we're going through so we don't have to air our dirty laundry. We walk a shorter, easier road on those days. Especially when the Lord sees fit to start changing our lives, often pulling the rug out from under us. See, there comes a point, I think, when we actually think we're suffering enough here on earth. Our earthly lives, so full of stress and heartache, often leave little room for Jesus, or any kind of suffering for him. I wonder if he thought of this kind of indifference in his people as he took up his cross and walked the long road to Calvary? I'm guessing he did. I'm taking it on faith that he did. And he did it anyway! He made that journey to death for us anyway! We who don't deserve it. We who choose when to show his blood on us and when to hide it. We who check our Jesus at the door when we go to work or when we go to the mall. He hung there on that cross, with his body broken and torn, gasping out his last earthly breaths asking God to forgive us all anyway!!

Now, don't feel guilty about that, brothers and sisters. John 8, verses 1-11 tells us why not to be crushed by guilt and shame: "But Jesus went to the Mount of Olives. At dawn he appeared again in the temple courts, where all the people gathered around him, and he sat down to teach them. The teachers of the law and the Pharisees brought in a woman caught in adultery. They made her stand before the group and said to Jesus, "Teacher, this woman was caught in the act of adultery. In the Law Moses commanded us to stone such women. Now what do you say?" They were using this question as a trap, in order to have a basis for accusing him.

But Jesus bent down and started to write on the ground with his finger. When they kept on questioning him, he straightened up and said to them, "If any one of you is without sin, let him be the first to throw a stone at her." Again he stooped down and wrote on the ground.

At this, those who heard began to go away one at a time, the older ones first, until only Jesus was left, with the woman still standing there. Jesus straightened up and asked her, "Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?"

"No one, sir," she said.

"Then neither do I condemn you," Jesus declared. "Go now and leave your life of sin."

The adulteress was saved by Jesus from stoning, and was then told by him not to feel bad, just change her life. Sin no more. Good luck! Of course Jesus knew we are going to mess it up. Of course he knew we would stumble, fall, and cover it up so we can hide our shame, even from ourselves. Here's what we need to remember in times of struggle: The body of Christ is greater than the sum of its parts. At the head sits our Lord. He also lives in us. So, instead of covering, friends, be honest. Be honest with yourself first. Be honest with God. It's not like He doesn't know when you're covering something anyway, but being open to Him helps us be open to ourselves. And be honest with the body, your fellow followers of the Lord. They are there to stand in the light and fight the darkness with you, in the name of Jesus, but they can't raise you up if they don't know who they're pulling out of the water. As your right hand knows your left, so should the other disciples know you, and you them. And the head of the body knows you all, each and every one. Do you know him? Do you love him? If so, then get that cross on your shoulder and the let the joy of the Lord fill you. And I can guarantee that if you ask nicely, he will even help you carry it.

Let's pray.

Heavenly Father, as we make our way in the world, we know you are with us. We know you love us and want us to seek your glory in everything we do. You fill us with joy when we turn our hearts to you. You give us strength when we are oppressed, peace when we are troubled, and protection when the Enemy does his level best to enslave us with guilt or fear. We thank you, Lord, for all these things and for your grace, the greatest gift we who are so undeserving of it could have received. We ask this day that you give us the faith we need to carry our crosses, Lord. We ask that you walk beside us as we drag them through the streets. And we ask that you be there when we reach the end of our journey, that we may forever dwell in heaven with you. We ask these things in the name of Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.

See you all next time.

And the two shall become one flesh...

The Bible speaks of the love between a man and his wife as representative of the love between Christ and his church. In Ephesians chapter 5, verses 25-27, the apostle Paul spells this out: "Husbands, love your wives just as Christ loved the church and gave himself for her to sanctify her by cleansing her with the washing of the water by the word, so that he may present the church to himself as glorious – not having a stain or wrinkle, or any such blemish, but holy and blameless."

Now, we're not speaking of a local church meeting place, but of the worldwide body of Christ. I often look to this passage when having trouble relating to my wife. You see, my wife is a staggeringly beautiful creature, and I know God made her for me and me alone. God the Father, as John 3:16 reminds us, loved the world enough to send his only son to sacrifice himself for all of us, because we cannot protect ourselves otherwise. Can I, then, flawed, imperfect creature that I am, love my wife enough to sacrifice my life for her? Let's explore...

My relationship with Candice began just shy of twenty years ago in September of 1988. I was 16 and in grade eleven. She, 13, was in grade nine. We met on the bus on the way to school one morning. After dating for seven months, she dumped me because I wasn't exciting enough for her. And because she was attracted to someone else (who later turned out to be gay and therefore unavailable). So for the rest of high school, I waited and waited, dating one other person I had nothing in common with for a few months, which ended as quietly as it began.

During my last two years of high school, Candice became attracted to one of my friends and they embarked on a long relationship and were even engaged for a time. But I waited for her. Not to be deterred, I invited Candice to my senior prom, since it was pretty much the end of the line for her and her fiance. She said no, but later told me she wished I'd asked again later, because she would have changed her answer. Suffice it to say, I was the spaz who goes to his senior prom without a date. And so I gave up.

A few years later I was embroiled in a relationship with another woman, who bore me a son, but our love ended while she was pregnant, and upon my son Jonathan's birth, I was asked to move out. (Now I know my Christian friends are a bit taken aback, so I'll say that I know now why living together before marriage is a sin and not at all good for us, but I didn't know the Lord then and therefore was oblivious to his wisdom and grace...) And so I pined away, thinking that this woman was the only one for me. I ran into Candice again and we dated on and off, but I was a fool. I had been hurt badly, and could not bring myself to share as much of myself as Candice needed.

Regardless, the day came when Candice was absolutely, 100% in love with me. I don't know what I did to deserve that, let alone trigger it, but it happened. And I was afraid. Afraid of hurting her. Afraid if I gave in that the one I was waiting for would give me a window of opportunity and I'd be unavailable. But I had feelings for Candice too, so I selfishly put her through a few years of turmoil and heartache, and still she held on, which I didn't at all deserve. Had I a time machine right now, I'd go back and smack myself upside the melon for the cruel manner in which I treated God's precious creature. Of course, when you aren't careful, sex leads to pregnancy, and Candice and I ended up with our first child, our daughter Raven. And the whole world changed for us. And our relationship was strained beyond belief. Finally the day came when Candice told me to make an all or nothing run for the one I really wanted to be with. Obviously that ended in disaster, and I ended up having to pick my son up from his grandma's place for a few weeks.

Then it hit me. Candice loved me enough to want me to be happy, even if it wasn't with her. I came back to her with my heart in my hands, and she took me back. And that was it. And two more children and a move to the country later, here we are. Finally we just got married for real last June, for the sake of it. Candice wanted to be Mrs. Blyde. So I gave in. But years of immature love and unhealthy boundaries will take their toll on any couple. I wish I could say that the above is a complete recounting of my sins against this lovely person but to completely recount them would take a book as thick as the complete works of William Shakespeare, with a War and Peace-sized bibliography.

So, now here we are and our marriage has very nearly gone out the door on a couple of occasions. We've begun seeing a counselor, and we're putting the pieces together again, but how is it that God really wants it together? Well, see, Jesus is a Mike Holmes kind of carpenter. He rips out all that stuff that never should have been in there in the first place and for us, that means a complete gutting and reconstruction. And he's still in the middle of the demolition process. The spiritual high I get when I have a mountaintop moment is but a glimpse of what's to come in my walk with the Lord. It's keeping faith strong and love alive in the valley moments that allows the roots of maturity and divine love to spread into the soil and strengthen our spirits, bringing them closer to becoming one with each other, and with God.

The more I look at it now, the more I realize I am not the godly man God wants me to be. Not yet. Candice and I have never, ever become 'one flesh' as Matthew 19:5 plainly demonstrates: "For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and will be united with his wife, and the two will become one flesh." For some reason we have not allowed it. We see each other as flawed and can't fully unite with the other until the other is perfect. I know it's silly, but we're working on it.

Here is what I know, now that I've taken all day to consider this. I am 100%, prime time in love with my wife. She is the most beautiful creature in the world to me, and I know that she is a gift. A gift I don't deserve, but a gift I will treasure. "It is not good for a man to be alone," said the Lord. And so there's someone for everyone. And when we find that someone, and love blooms, we must not allow selfishness to cloud the Lord's plan. We must serve each other, love each other, sacrifice our lives for each other. And we must do it joyfully, or it's a cheap sacrifice indeed.

Stay tuned, everyone. As the rebuilding process begins and we begin fusing together as one flesh, I have no doubt I will have pages and pages to write about the glory of our Lord and his divine plan for lovers. See you next time.

In a world of hate...

When Christ Jesus walked this world in human form, much of the known world hated him. As I look at the fallen world whence I came so recently, I weep as I see raw unbridled hatred to a degree that, plainly, discourages me in a profound way. In this issue, we'll explore the concept of hate from my perspective.

As a new Christ Follower, fresh from the World, I have begun to feel the pain of the World's people so keenly that it follows me everywhere. I feel the onset of tears at what the World considers very inappropriate times. At church. At work. While driving. Sometimes it is so overwhelming that I fear I'll be consumed by it and be driven, presumably merrily, stark raving mad. So let's walk together and try to put a face to this pain. Why do those who follow the Way of Jesus bear it so soberly and yet so joyously? Why does the World hate Christians so? What is it that drives the heart of the heartbroken spirit? Oh, I had hoped to write a brief entry this time, but nope, you've got me going now...Let's get to it.

First, let us define hatred. According to Wikipedia: Hatred is an emotion of intense revulsion, distaste, or antipathy for a person, thing, or phenomenon, generally attributed to a desire to avoid, restrict, remove, or destroy the hated object. Pretty harsh words, even for a definition. Obviously, living in this fallen world means accepting varying degrees of hatred from a myriad of sources. The media, our peers, our leaders and even our family; it's hard not to see some kind of hate wherever we look. So let's get it out of the way, we must even accept hate from God.

Oh, I can feel the looks of disbelief and astonishment from the non-Christians from here... Oh, and look, even a few Christians sitting there at their screens, mouths agape, as if to say, "Did he just say that for real?" Well, he certainly did. So let me explain what I mean. A good friend of mine pointed out to me that God, as Lord of all, must of necessity have hate, since a) he created all of our emotions, and b) without hate, love is cheap. Think about it. What's the point of showing love if there's nothing in contrast to make us appreciate love to its fullest? Generally, aside from the desire to obey God, we show love others to illicit reciprocated love, don't we? And not just in the face of hate, but any negative emotion. A world without love must certainly be full to busting with hate, and fear, and sorrow. This is a description of hell, people. "The angels will come and separate the wicked from the righteous and throw them into the fiery furnace, where there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth." (Matthew 13:49-50).

So what is it that God hates? The answer, for those who don't know, is sin. A plain, simple, three-letter word that came into the world as soon as Adam took a bite of that nasty old apple. Sin, and all the problems, disease, hatred, fear, toil and sorrow that must accompany it. But contrary to the statements of those people who lament their difficult lives and say he hates them, God does not hate any human being, not even one. We are all God's children and he wants us to come to him. He wants us to be a part of his eternal kingdom. Yes, even those who refuse to know him. Even those who rape, murder, lie, steal and covet their neighbour's wife. Wrap your head around that one for a minute. The time will come when those of us who have accepted Jesus Christ as our Lord and Saviour will share heaven with rapists, murderers and molesters of children? Yes. Believe it. The Bible is quite clear in John 6:40, where Jesus says, "For my Father's will is that everyone who looks to the Son and believes in him shall have eternal life, and I will raise them up at the last day." In other words, even the vilest of criminals can be redeemed. Even the basest of evil persons can make it to heaven. While our jaded earthly minds don't like to conceive of such a thing, the fact remains that all who confess that Jesus was the Son of God, that he died on the cross to cleanse us of our sins, and that he rose again on the third day will be saved from death and have everlasting life in heaven. And if that's what God wants, that's what God gets. Period.

The sobriety of this realization and the acceptance thereof is matched only by the joy that accompanies it. And accepting it isn't easy, believe me. In a world where corrupt people take full advantage of those weaker, less fortunate, less intelligent and less corrupt than themselves, how can truly good people be happy that the corrupt will share the rewards of heaven? I like to think that if the truly evil can repent of their ways and find their way to the truth who is Christ, then my reward is 100% guaranteed. There. Instant joy. Woo hoo!

So, then, how can it be that those who live out their faith in Jesus in love and peace be the objects of such unhindered hatred from the secular masses. No, not always violent, aggressive hate. But a sneer, an insult or a seething anti-Christian editorial qualifies nonetheless. Let me postulate, then, on why we are hated so. For some, hatred of all things Christian has been instilled in them from childhood. They know no other way. Others had a horrible experience with Christianity such as having been molested by a clergy member, or bilked out of a fortune by a crooked TV evangelist, or worse even taught to hate by a lost, wayward congregation preaching its own perverted "gospel." Too many denominations, philosophies and interpretations of Jesus' words of brotherly love have turned to rotten, festering evil in order to gain power and influence and money. Of course the followers of these ways are thoroughly convinced they are seeking the truth, or have found it. And these impostors, like the true followers of the red-letter text of the Holy Scriptures, get out there in the world and preach their filthy theology until they're blue in the face. And they win souls for Satan. Yes, the devil himself has his legions out there sowing hate left and right, encouraging sin all over. And so the world pours its hate upon all of Christianity for the sins of the false prophets and teachers.

When faced with this kind of publicity, the instinct of even the stout of heart is to hide. And many followers of the true Jesus do that very thing. They worship in private and try to get through life in relative safety without ruffling too many feathers. Some fight back, and get drawn into useless arguments that leave both arguers seething and self-righteous. Therefore the impression the world gets is that Christians are either flimsy, weak and pathetic, or militant, loud and obnoxious people who would stick a tract pamphlet down everyone's throat if they had one.

Jesus himself said this: "A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another." (John 13:34-35) This is the acid test to discern true Christians. I hope that the non-Christians who read this can see the difference now. You see, in loving our fellow man and trying to save him from hell we refuse to stand on a box in the street and beat our chests in the name of God. "Here I am! I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with them, and they with me." (Revelation 3:20) Scripture says nothing of Jesus kicking the door down and dragging followers into his way. This is not to say that we will lay down and be quiet, either. "But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes on you; and you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem, and in all Judea and Samaria, and to the ends of the earth." (Acts 1:8) As disciples of the one and only Son of God we are called to go out and make more disciples. Not because the church needs more money, or because we're just trying to annoy people. Not even because it just feels nice when a new believer is born and we all cry, "Hallelujah!" It is because Lord Jesus loves all people, and so, therefore, must his disciples.

In this day and age, the mere mention of the name of Jesus can evoke some pretty strong negative reactions. These reactions can range from the patronizing, "Hey, if that's your thing, good for you, but Jesus isn't my thing, OK?" to the outright, "You can take your Jesus and your Bible and jam it sideways (we all know where)." Truly, these reactions come from fear, or resentment, or some hidden pain, but the misunderstanding of Jesus teachings does not come from contradictions in Scripture, as I once thought. It comes from false teachers, hate mongers and those who would use Jesus' name for their own selfish desires. It also comes from the Enemy, Satan, who tries to influence people who seek God to seek something else instead, and who in preventing belief in Jesus is also preventing belief in himself. How better to deceive than to make oneself "nonexistent?" Then the whisperings of the Enemy in a human ear take on the guise of human thoughts, and concepts can be twisted and perverted until only hate remains.

Many, many people use the supposed Scriptural contradictions as a defense, though they've not picked up a Bible in years, if ever, and never really read it anyway. Even though there is no need to defend oneself, aversion is the automatic reaction. Better that than a Christian sink her hooks into you and actually make you believe it's really true, right? Heavens, no. I've read almost all of it now, and I'm here to tell you straight: The Bible does not contradict itself! It's actually quite coherent. And in meditating on many passages, I have discerned that the Holy Scriptures have the solution to many, if not every single problem we face as human beings. It isn't necessarily a pleasant solution, and it's not always a solution we find easy to accept, but it is a solution, all things being equal, that works. Problems in the world are the result of the Fall, and so it follows that God's Word is the cure.

But the topic today is hate. I guess one of the major reasons the secular world hates Christians is due to God's judgment. The non-Christians feel the believers themselves are judging them, or trying to change their lives, take away their freedom to have fun or enjoy life in the way they see fit as is their right accorded to them by the Constitution. God demands clean sin-free living, no doubt about it. What nonbelievers don't often realize is that they are already enslaved by their sins. And many are proud of it. How many more conversations must I endure of how drunk this guy got, or how many women so-and-so has slept with, or who's cheating on whose wife, or how many times can you drop the F-bomb in ten seconds? Of course, in pointing out the sin, Christians are accused of being "holier than thou" when in most cases they are just living up to the high standard God holds us to. And they are doing it out of love, not judgment, which is the sole domain of the Almighty himself. Of course, the Christian life is a hard road, and fraught with temptation. Moreover it leaves the Christian under scrutiny and at the mercy of the finger-pointers who say, "See, they're all hypocrites." Yes, Christians fail. Yes, we screw up. Yes, we sin. But we help each other, not judging, and raise each other up. We ask God to help free us from our chains of unrighteousness. And we are forgiven because of the wondrous thing Jesus did for us when he gave over his life to bear the weight of our imperfections. If God can forgive us, surely the world can give us a fair shake! But wait, Jesus also says this: "If the world hates you, keep in mind that it hated me first." (John 15:18). He was speaking to his disciples, and so to all of us who read it. Even those who speak the truth will be hated. So if we are despised because of false teachers, and shunned because of those who preach truth, what are we to do?

A wise Christian, in my estimation, will wait and pray until God provides an opportunity to witness for Christ in the most effective way. As I said earlier, we will not kick in the door for Jesus, but when the door opens, we're in there like a dirty shirt. And we're praying like crazy for those who would persecute us to be shown mercy and love from God. So you see, we are not enemies of the nonbeliever, or anyone. It's time we started taking some of our good name back out of the mud and wave the flag a little. Time to stomp out the haters in Christ's clothing and at the very least give the secular world a way to tell the true disciples from the false prophets. And remember, true believers, what God says: It is written: " 'As surely as I live,' says the Lord, 'every knee will bow before me; every tongue will confess to God.' " (Isaiah 45:23). He will use us to get the word out. We just need to wait to be given our assignments without huffing and puffing and blowing houses down to do it, OK?

Non-Christians, I challenge you to be friendly to the next Christian who wants to talk to you about Jesus. Just have that conversation anyway. Just make time for it, even just ten minutes. Don't argue. Just listen, and ask questions. If you don't come away a believer, at least you'll gain a new understanding of the world of the disciple. We're not so bad, you know. We make excellent friends, even if now and then we tell a bit of Jesus' story. And if you do accept that it's true, then you won't feel injured, or conned, or manipulated. You'll feel awesome! And Christians, I challenge you to keep praying for those windows of opportunity where we can let a little of the Saviour's truth in and burn away the hatred. You are the light of the world. Let it shine!! "And they will know we are Christians by our love..."

See you next week...

Greater is he that lives within you...

Well, it seems Good Friday is a double blog entry day. My wife Candice reminds me that although what I just wrote is an important step, it is just as important to point out proof that I am on the right path. Substantial evidence. Hmm, where to begin...

For starters, the Lord lets me know through words and imagery that he is here with me on this journey. The thoughts I have when God speaks are like nothing I can think of on my own. One occasion I recall was the result of an argument Candice and I had over, are you ready? WHAT I WAS WEARING TO CHURCH! Yep, even though our pastors will now and then wear blue jeans and a checkered shirt or some such attire to church on Sunday, Candice expects me to be "presentable." At least a decent shirt and dress pants. I chose to wear my best black jeans and a good denim shirt this Sunday in December and Candice up and refused to come to church with me. It was five minutes before we were to leave the house. We were running late as it was, and now I had to beg Candice to reconsider. So, of course I bitched and chewed as I peeled off my clothes and changed as quickly as humanly possible. And then she said again that she wasn't going. I told her I didn't want to go without her and she said, "Fine, I guess we aren't going, then." And then she went back to bed.

OOOHHHH!!!! I was so mad I couldn't speak. So I got the kids out of the van and proceeded to grumble and gripe as I tied into the housework. Finally, as I was doing the dishes, I took a knee and prayed to the Father for a solution to our argument, because fighting with Candice pretty much tops the list of my least favourite things to do. Of a sudden, I saw in my mind the scene of the conflict from a third-person perspective. I saw myself railing away at how silly Candice was acting and how inconvenient she was making this. I saw myself acting like an ass! Even though Candice was not exactly being reasonable, either, that was not at all the focus of this vision. It was me. We are all responsible for ourselves and only ourselves. And responsible to one person only: God. I was shown this scene, and then these words came to me: "If you cause Candice to miss church again in this way, I will be very angry." Thoughts and visions of this nature are not the way I normally think, ever. I immediately ran to wake Candice up and share this with her.

Another proof I recall was just recently, in early February. Candice and I were on our way out from church and were going to stop and pick up some groceries before lunch. Candice had just had a disagreement with another church member and was obviously upset. Candice is struggling with her faith as it is, you see, and these situations shake her resolve in a serious way. She just lost her mother in July and had a major falling out with her grandmother as a result of the funeral arrangements and feels very alone as it is. It has affected her more than even she, I suspect, is aware.

In this case, she wanted to quit going to church, stop the fellowship with those in our community, close herself off and give up on God. I tried to reassure her that misunderstandings can be frustrating, but as a church family we are called to forgive and love one another. Of course this didn't help. After a long fruitless discussion on the way to the supermarket, I had no idea what I could do to re-encourage my wife. So we pulled into the parking lot and got out of the van. As I walked toward the store, I was met by a gentleman who seemed to be returning his cart to the store for his quarter. He asked, "Need a cart?" I nodded and went to pull out a quarter and he waved it away, saying, "don't worry about it." I handed it to him anyway, and then he looked at my daughter Raven. He said to her, "Are you going shopping, too?" She said she was, and so the man said, "Well, you'll need some money. Tell you what. If you can call this flip of the coin, you can have the quarter, OK?" Raven agreed and called heads. The man says, "Try again." So Raven calls tails and he gives her the quarter. Then he spies my five year-old, Duncan. He pulls out a quarter of his own and says, "I think you need money for shopping, too, OK?" and gives Duncan the coin. Candice and I both thank the man and he wishes us a great day as he walks away. I looked at Candice and saw a miraculous sight. She was smiling! I knew then and there it was God's hand at work. I, the man Candice loves the most, was completely powerless to make her happy, and a simple little gesture of a stranger's kindness brought such joy to her heart that I gave praise to the Lord then and there and explained to Candice what I thought of the situation. By this time we were in the store and I realized I never looked back at the man who had given Candice this joy. I had never even thought to. This leads me to the conclusion that either A) God had called upon one of his people to intercede on his behalf, or B) that he had sent an angel to touch my wife in this way. I have a feeling it's B. Either way, God is at work in our lives. I have no doubt.

A third time I was memorably aware of his presence was a scary day a while after the preceding event. I was at work and was outside at break time. Snow began falling very steadily and I had never seen such sparkle in the flakes before. Every flake that fell caught the sunlight in such a way that it flashed and shone like a twinkling star. It looked like I was living in a freshly shaken snow globe. The ground looked as if it were paved with polished diamonds. It was incredible, and I felt such peace come over me that I knew God was reassuring me as if to say, "Everything's going to be OK."

Later that day, before lunch, I got a very disturbing phone call. Candice was telling me that our two year-old, Gabriel, was having a seizure of some kind. His eyes were rolled back and he was unresponsive to her. This had never happened to any of my kids before. I told her to call the doctor and rushed home. All the way home I prayed like a madman, begging the Lord to save my little boy, to make him well. When I got home there was an ambulance in the laneway. I was even more afraid as I ran to the door. I spoke to one of the paramedics that was on her way out the door and she said Gabriel would be fine. It was just a febrile seizure, and was not as serious as it looked. We went to the hospital. The doctor assured us that it was not serious and what to do should he have a fever again. I realized at the hospital that I had forgotten altogether what God had said to me with the snow that morning. It was a lesson: Trust God when he says it'll be OK. It will! He doesn't always speak in words, but he doesn't lie.

Finally, a noteworthy thing happened to Candice the other day. She had just gotten finished making lunch for our sons, and was about to go back to the computer like she normally did, and thought of perhaps sitting with the boys as they ate. As she started to think, "Maybe not this time," she heard a voice in her mind: "Why don't you have lunch with them?" She knew it wasn't her own thought. She even said grace before they ate together that day. Further evidence that the heavenly Father has a hand in our lives.

Finally, today Candice and I had a rough day. Candice's faith cannot seem to stay strong. Her faith was in a low spot today of all days and after a day of ups and downs, and finally telling me she thinks maybe she can't follow me on this walk with the Lord and our journey together is possibly over, she decided to nap through dinner and I ended up going to Good Friday service alone. I knew the Enemy was whacking at Candice in a big way and I was determined he would not steal my joy. He would not shake my faith. He would not pull me away from the Lord. I sat alone in the pew and took it all in. The congregation seemed to respond to my feelings. I was feeling low. For no special reason, a great many of them came up and shook my hand and offered encouragement and good wishes for Candice. The senior pastor, whom I consider a good friend of ours, asked me to join him in the ritual washing of each other's feet, as is done every Good Friday, symbolically humbling ourselves in servitude to our brothers as Jesus himself did with his disciples before he gave his life for us on the cross. And finally, as we stood and took communion, I felt a reassuring hand on my shoulder, and turned to thank the person, but no one was there. I looked left and right, but saw no one at all. I choked up and thanked Lord Jesus for being there with me. After the service, I spoke with a couple more of my brothers and sisters, then went home to talk to my wife. We worked it out, and although I know this won't be the last day of uncertainty for my wife, I know God is with her. I only pray she comes to really know that too, with a lasting faith and not a fleeting one. To all you followers of Jesus out there, please send a prayer or two Candice's way. She needs all the spiritual support we as a body can muster. Thanks.

I could go on and on with little proofs that occur regularly, day to day, week to week. All along the road that I have walked with Lord Jesus, I have seen and felt and heard such wondrous things. He is truly Lord of all. And in his name we can certainly have victory over sin and death. Amen!

Next issue, I'm not sure what we'll talk about, but I guarantee it'll be interesting. See you soon.

Blessings to all and Happy Easter!

Take the red pill...

In the blockbuster science fiction masterpiece called The Matrix: there are a few memorable quotes that stick with me as I embarked on this journey.

The first is this: "You're here because you know something. What you know you can't explain, but you feel it. You've felt it your entire life, that there's something wrong with the world. You don't know what it is, but it's there, like a splinter in your mind, driving you mad. It is this feeling that brought you to me."

The second is part of the same scene: "This is your last chance. After this there is no turning back. You take the blue pill; the story ends. You wake up in your bed and believe whatever you want to believe. You take the red pill; you stay in Wonderland, and I show you how deep the rabbit hole goes..." As Neo reaches for the red pill, Morpheus concludes, "Remember, all I'm offering is the truth. Nothing more..."

This scene in what could be construed as the greatest piece of science fiction cinema of all time, is pivotal when we think of the life choices people make. To seek a higher power or not. To follow our calling or not. To believe in God or not. To take that leap of faith down the rabbit hole or not. These choices are made based on our past experiences. In a fallen world such as this, these choices become vastly more difficult, and often heartbreaking if that choice appears, after much effort is spent, to be a wild goose chase. 'Life is too short,' you might say, 'to spend too much time pursuing something invisible.' Some are more discouraged. 'I've tried Christianity. All that happened is I spent a lot of money and got nothing back but guilt.'

Here is where one of the greatest lies of the Enemy comes into bloom. And where a great many of us turn away from Jesus without even considering the whole picture before knowing what he represents. And so here I am to tell my story to those who will hear it. In Matthew 11:15, Jesus himself states plainly: "He who has ears, let him hear."

I always knew there was something beyond the everyday existence. I always knew from childhood that what we can see is not always all there is. But, as a fairly gullible child, I could probably been made to believe anything. My mother delights in telling the story of how I came home one day to reveal that a school chum of mine had dinosaurs in his backyard... The point is that there is so much untruth and deception extant in the world today that to just up and take the leap of faith is very daunting. For those who were raised in truly Christ-centered families, this leap is not usually a leap at all. It is a step into the adult Christian life, with a faith that is already inherent and nurtured. For those of us who turned from the path as young people, or who grew up in secular or non-Christian homes, this leap is like staring into the mouth of a volcano wearing only a Speedo!

As I said in my previous post, by the time I was in high school I had pretty much turned my back on Christianity as a whole, because I felt it was just one more religion in a world full to busting with different belief systems, and that there was no way to discern which one was the right way unless you devoted your whole life seeking the truth. For teens, the road of life is twofold: it is long and frightening to think about, and it is too short to experience everything, ergo many teens try to experience as much happiness and excitement as possible before they become adults and, 'the party's over...' And consequently many turn away from the limitations imposed by religion, and the search for truth is abandoned. Exciting new schools of thought take its place, though. Scientific studies, psychology and the secular world's encouragement of teenage rebellion all have their roles in our fallen world. At this point in my life, I didn't know the whole story, and wouldn't have wanted to hear it anyway. I figured, if there were really a God, he'll have mercy on those who do good in this world and not necessarily just those who believe in him. Convenient, eh?

For many young non-Christian adults in their twenties, and even older, it is preferable to be angry at the world than do anything about its fall. And those who aren't angry can certainly be resigned to the realization that it just 'ain't gonna get any better.' At any rate, the task seems completely hopeless. It generally takes a very charismatic and revolutionary person to sway the opinion of the masses. And the masses of which I speak are the ones who actually pay attention to the world. Many just sit and don't even watch the world go by. Like I was once, they would rather just enjoy simple pleasures in life, in essence just waiting for it all to be over, and will not even listen to anything that disturbs the waters of their little pond. They may be "content," and not have a care in the world, because they are oblivious to the walls crumbling all around them. Why should they care? What is so important in the world of the visible that demands the attention of every living soul? The charismatic people of which I just spoke can take many forms. Be they authors, actors, singers, journalists, politicians or religious leaders, a fiery passion and a solid foundation of belief in something generally prone to make people sit up and listen. Usually it's the people who keep an ear out for these sorts of things. The ones who sit in their little rooms sheltered away from the chaos of the outside world may occasionally hear an introduction to something profound and life-changing, but once some effort, faith and courage are required on their part, they mostly click the next link or put the book down. So we wait and we watch... I mean, in a world where a celebrity can invent a "signature sandwich" consisting of sliced prime rib, bacon, sauteed mushrooms, mozzarella cheese and chipotle mayo, sell the idea to Quizno's on Celebrity Apprentice and then be newsworthy enough to be mentioned on the morning radio news, how can anything really important be heard through the droning white noise of society? In another quote from The Matrix: "It is the world that has been pulled over your eyes, to blind you from the truth..."

Deciding to walk in the footsteps of Jesus Christ is a leap of faith. No doubt about it. First, you need to accept unequivocally that what is written in the Bible is actually the truth, even that stuff hidden in parables. It is effectively "taking the red pill." My decision to accept Jesus Christ as my Lord and Saviour was, I thought, the most exciting and revolutionary decision I ever made. I came when I was called, and there really is "no turning back." I heard God speaking to me through his people, and for the first time in my life, I didn't have an argument ready. Instead, I felt inclined to listen and allow the Lord himself to present his case without allowing my preconceived notions to deafen me and close the door. There was no thought of, "Well, the Bible is just chock-full of contradictions," or "How can I serve a God that demands so much sacrifice?" or my favourite piece of rhetoric: "Better to rule in Hell than serve in Heaven." That last one comes out of the mouths of even teenagers, who so flippantly wave their individuality around like a banner. Somehow somebody started that little rumour and the Enemy fanned the flames and whispered promises into young, impressionable ears that Hell is "where the party is" while Heaven is a place where you spend all your time bowing and scraping to a God who'll burn you as fast as lightning if you step out of line. No wonder God is losing followers, right?

WRONG! Jesus said in Matthew 11:28: "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." Many see any burden placed upon you by God as one they aren't willing to bear. They see it as oppression. Here is the true extent of that burden, as stated by Jesus in Matthew 22:37. "Jesus replied: " 'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.' This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: 'Love your neighbour as yourself.' All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments." If we live our lives solely to fulfill these commands, life may not always be easy, but it WILL be joyful. The yoke we will bear will be light and whatever burden it occasionally is will be easy. After all, to truly do something out of love is to happily put forth whatever effort the act requires, regardless of the cost, and not desire thanks or repayment afterward. All God desires is that we love him, and each other, and live in peace.

This is the foundation which points to the whole reason God sent his son Jesus to walk among us. Jesus teaches us in Scripture, and in our daily lives, how to live in peace. How to love one another, and thereby love God and seek to please him. How to accept love from another and not be suspicious of it. During Jesus' life on earth, he gave us the foundation by which we should lay down our burdens and our weapons and our hatred. By which we should forgive all debts and trespasses. By which we should believe there is a better way and a place in Heaven for every single living soul on earth. You see, John 3:16-21 states another foundational truth: "For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believes on him should not perish, but have eternal life. For God sent not the Son into the world to judge the world; but that the world should be saved through him. He that believes on him is not judged: he that believes not hath been judged already, because he has not believed on the name of the only begotten Son of God. And this is the judgment, that the light is come into the world, and men loved the darkness rather than the light; for their works were evil. For every one that does evil hates the light, and comes not to the light, lest his works should be reproved. But he that does the truth comes to the light, that his works may be made manifest, that they have been wrought in God."

ETERNAL LIFE! That's the famous line. What comes after, though is the part we sometimes forget. Jesus did not come in order to point fingers and lay blame, reward the righteous and condemn the sinner. He came to save us all! To secure a place for everyone in the Kingdom! If only we can lay aside our petty anger and jealousy and debts owed us, and believe that he died for our sin. Believe that God's hope for us is to see him at the end of our lives and be welcomed into his glorious presence. His desire is that none should perish, but receive the gift of eternal life in Christ our Lord. Because he loves us all that much.

Now, for a non-believer, this is a tall order. To believe that one man could bear the burden of every single sin that people commit once and for all time is a tough one for anyone to believe. Unless you understand, as I do now, that Jesus was God in human form. Many don't know this. God laid aside his deity, or godhood, for a time to experience life as a human being. Thus, by dying on the cross, he brought the curse of all our wrongdoing and hatred and violence and excess onto himself and purged it, so that we can enter Heaven pure and clean at the end. And so here we are on Good Friday. The day we hold as the anniversary of Jesus crucifixion. The day our sins were forgiven, as long as we believe it. And on the day we die and stand before God, the whole of our lives will be laid out for all to see. Belief in Jesus means that his sacrifice will cancel our debt of sin, and so when Satan, the Accuser, says, "I know you, and I know what evil you've done," we will ask the Lord what he sees. And the Lord will embrace us, saying, "I see nothing but the blood of my Son, Jesus Christ." And we will be welcomed in the Kingdom. Isn't that encouraging? Guilt was never meant to be a part of our lives! True belief means a death to our old life, turning from sin to the best of our ability, and accepting the gift as such: a gift. Free of charge. Jesus is our certificate of debt. It reads "PAID IN FULL." Will you take the red pill? After all, all I'm offering is the truth. Nothing more...

Next issue, I'll reveal some experiences I've had that prove it to me again and again that God is alive and well in the world, and in our lives. Even where we least expect him to be. And while you're waiting, I challenge you non-believers to crack open the book of Romans. And you Christians, it's worth the re-read. For sure.

Grace to all.

As for me and my house...

In Old Testament Scripture, Joshua 24:15 states, "But if serving the Lord seems undesirable to you, then choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve, whether the gods your forefathers served beyond the river, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land you are living. But as for me and my household, we will serve the Lord."

These words are the conclusion of Joshua's speech at Shechem where he renewed the Covenant between the people of Israel and the Lord, shortly before his death at the age of 110. These events occurred in and around the year 1245 BC. The people of Israel chose to serve the Lord over any other god they'd ever known. Around 3253 years later, in the little village of Zurich, Ontario, I made the same choice. That was only 4 months ago. And it was only 5 months ago that I even began to consider that God was real. How did that happen? Perhaps you would like to hear the tale? OK, go get a coffee and get comfy. I'll wait...

OK, we're back. The story begins when I was a child. Although occasionally I went to Sunday school (which I have no memory of except for one day waiting outside Grantham United Church in St. Catharines for my mom to pick me up.), and once to Vacation Bible School, I never really caught the message. The Bible was just a collection of stories to me. My parents didn't reinforce anything, really. And who can blame them? After all, I have rarely heard the story of a memorable sermon given by a pastor in the childhood of my parents' generation. Most church stories I've heard are of the trouble they got into as kids, or of the many naps brought on by long, lifeless sermons.

And God waited and watched as His people dwindled in number. Everyone I knew in my generation around the age of ten said he or she was a Christian, because they believed in God. But that was the way to be normal those days. I certainly didn't really believe in God. No one had impressed me enough to get me to really believe it in my heart. But I said I did, because everyone else said they did. Those days, there were very few kids at my school in St. Catharines of different ethnicities, and none of them of a different world religion. Everyone said they believed in God, and we all said the Lord's Prayer after the National Anthem at school. None of us really knew what that meant, and the thought of praying any other time than at church on Sunday (if you went to church at all) was ludicrous.

So, we grew up. High school brought on a few changes. By this time I had come into the belief that God probably didn't really exist, because I became aware of other world religions and decided there were too many to choose from. How could one possibly pick the right one? It was a crap shoot. The Christians and the Muslims continued their epic battle in Lebanon and Palestine. In history and social studies classes we learned a bit about Native Spirituality, obviously Greek mythology and some African and Indian belief systems. One of our teachers was a Buddhist and another was a Hindu. It was during this period that the Lord's Prayer disappeared from schools. We all know why. Christianity had become offensive to the public. Because of a few diverse ethnicities due to heavy immigration and new schools of theological thought, belief in Jesus Christ was confined, shackled, if you will, to our homes and churches, mostly on Sunday. Most families I knew didn't say grace at meals (except perhaps at Christmas and Thanksgiving), never spoke of God, and tried in vain to beset their children with pale, quasi-Christian values even though they didn't know Jesus as Lord. As a result, I took a stand as an Atheist, rebelling against the right-wing conservative machine that threatened to turn us all into tie-wearing, short-haired, Bible-toting zombies who didn't know how to think for themselves.

And God waited and watched as His people splintered off into denominations, whether they went to church or not. United, Lutheran, Episcopalian, Anglican, Catholic, or Presbyterian all joined the droning masses of the fight to keep God on life support, even though His people privately warred one against the other. Especially against the extreme factions like the Mormons, Jehovah's Witnesses, and gasp, Born-again Christians! While everyone had their judgmental eyes on those crackpots, Islam, Atheism, and Neo-Paganism moved into the neighbourhood and cried loudly for an equal share of the right to freedom of religion. And while no one I knew paid them much attention, their movements grew. In my twenties, I became a Neo-Pagan myself, believing in the divinity of Nature and the spiritual power of the self to effect change in my life. Many of the Christians I knew at this point believed in God, but didn't understand Jesus Christ, and didn't really attend church anyway. I hadn't read any Scripture in years, and any Scripture I knew was rhetorical proverb or basic stories. With no idea of the meaning of any of it, I began to develop a seething hatred for organized religion as a whole, and Christianity fueled my ire on its own. I was entrenched in the idea that Christian religious leaders would take your money with one hand and condemn you to Hell with the other. Anyone not a Christian was frowned upon by most of the public, but so were real Christians who tried to bring the gospel back into the light. The nineties were a trying time for everyone. War was everywhere.

And God pinched the bridge of His nose and sighed as His people began to give up. Indifference set in in a big way, and day-to-day drudgery took the place of vibrant faith-driven pursuits. Work, work, work. Get ahead any way you can. Make money: you're going to need it. Alcoholism and drug-abuse soared. Divorce rates jumped. Suicide rates spiked. Crime statistics became ridiculous. Violence was everywhere. And the wars and terror raged out of control. After 9/11, hatred and tolerance for other cultures run a dead heat. With hatred in our hearts, we cannot find God because we're too busy hating to seek Him. With tolerance comes acceptance and some of us tend to gravitate toward the new, incorporating attractive parts of other cultures into our own lives, often at God's expense. Sometimes we don't even know what it is we hate, or are tolerant of. We just know that's what we need to do in this world or we'll be consumed.

Whoa! Back up a second! Are you saying the non-Christians are just existing for the sake of existing? Not at all. It's that they often don't know what it is they're existing for and as a result are waiting for a revelation. Either that or they accept that life has no big meaning and just ride it out trying to squeeze as much pleasure out of it as they can. Or worse yet, they become mentally or even spiritually ill and rely on secular therapists or bogus spiritual guides to fix them. There is a plethora of reasons non-Christians stay non-Christians, and so I'll say that if you want to know why, ask a few! A lot of them may tell you they believe in God or some higher power, but they don't want to hear about Jesus. People who talk about Jesus in public are pushy, crazy people who want you to give up your time and come to their church and donate to their church's collection plate, right? They raise their hands and cry and jump up and down as the pastor heals a cripple with one good right cross and speaks in odd languages. They whip out their chequebooks on command and the church makes enough money to buy the pastor another BMW. Or, they want you to come and shave your head and drink the Kool-Aid before the mother ship descends to take us to Heaven. Better to just avoid the topic altogether, right?

That's who I was. A non-believer with a chip on my shoulder. My Neo-Pagan practice of witchcraft was, after a few years, more of a dabbling than a faith, and as much as I tried to hide it, a rebellion against the mainstream. Being a Christian in the 21st century is less than popular, I know, but when those who deny Jesus won't listen, even when they don't know what they aren't listening to, that's what happens. Rebellion, denial, and hatred. So the latest leg of my journey begins a couple of years ago...

I was head of the Security department at the Greater Niagara General Hospital. I was a Wiccan, and didn't care who knew. I had no need for redemption, because for me the afterlife was a trip through a transitive plane called Underworld, where the soul is cleansed of all negativity and learns forgiveness for itself. Then it's off to Summerland, which is what I knew to be Heaven, a joining with the divine and either eternal happiness or reincarnation, your choice. Sounds great, right? Except that there's a catch. What you send out in this life comes back times three, and somehow even when you think you're doing good, you're harming someone and you spend your life second-guessing yourself, which harms you and what comes back is seen as your own fault. Not to mention that so many "denominations" of Paganism exist and Pagans can pick and choose what aspects to incorporate into their magical life. Neo-Paganism is different for most Neo-Pagans. And many are solitary practitioners, with no training, slapping potions and charm bags together and casting all manner of spell energy into the air in the name of elemental gods without a moment's hesitation. Some witchly traditions stay pure, however, and the tolerant Pagan in one of these covens may find their tolerance giving way to jealous finger-pointing and self-righteousness. "My tradition is the right way. Yours is just silly...," "My gods will kick your gods' butts all over Valhalla..." That sort of thing. I was absolutely tolerant of other religions and expected the same of others, so the whole Christian commission to "make disciples of all nations" bit didn't sit so well with me. My tolerance only went so far, and even the mention of Jesus was enough to provoke an eye-rolling from me and an invitation not to darken my doorstep any longer.

Living in Niagara Falls, Ontario is not what I would recommend to a family man trying to raise healthy kids. Oh, yeah, the health system is OK and the education system is all regulated and such, but it's a dangerous place, and not one for kids to live in. Sorry to all you Niagara people, but being at the hospital every day, wrestling with the violent mentally ill, substance abusing and downright ornery people who think the world had better stay out of their way will get to you after a seven years or so. So, one day I was in Zurich for my cousin's wedding, and was lamenting the state of the world and big-city life, and it was suggested I move my family to Zurich and start a safer, quieter lifestyle. It meant a MAJOR life-change, and giving up a career I thought was my calling. But thirty minutes or so later, it was decided. We'd become country folk.

We moved here in October 2005. My common-law wife Candice and three kids (Raven, Duncan, and Gabriel) didn't make as quick an adjustment as I did, but we're still here. We got married for real last June, by the way, in a Wiccan ceremony in the city park in Exeter. Over two years in the country, where life was supposed to be less stressful and more serene, I still held a lot of the seething anger I had as a city slicker. Once, my wife even left me for a weekend because I was angry all the time. I took a secular anger management course which even helped a bit, for a while, but I still struggled on with a raving beast inside.

Then last October, I just remember thinking about God, and whether He was real. I even asked, "God, are you there? Are you real? Do you see me? Do you love me?" Of course I didn't share this with Candice for fear she'd think I was a nut. She'd been attending church for a month or so so the kids would have Sunday school to interact with other kids and Candice could meet new people in town because she'd been isolated in our little farmhouse and needed to make some friends. So one day a few weeks later I shared and got the expected reaction I had feared, but then Candice suggested I come to church. I was skeptical at first, but decided to give it a try.

WELL! A guest speaker was giving a sermon that Sunday at the Mennonite church, and he said exactly what I needed to hear. He spoke from the Book of Romans, and I can't remember what moved me the most, but I knew Jesus as Lord from that day. A couple of weeks later, we had a meeting with the senior pastor to discuss the Mennonite doctrine, and determine from there whether this was the church for us, or if we wanted to switch to United or Lutheran, or some other denomination. The pastor, who is a very faithful and humble man, led us into a two hour discussion about the nature of faith, heaven and hell, God's will for all of us, and who Jesus really is. WOW! I'd had no idea what I'd been missing, and I knew that the Lord was speaking through His servant that day. I still, however, was not yet ready to make the final commitment.

That's when I received a phone call from an elder of the church, a few days later. Another faithful and humble man, he invited me to join him and a few other men from the church in attending a Promise Keepers conference over a weekend in November. I said, "sure," and the ladies in Candice's study group said, "Oh, he's going to come home SAVED!" No doubt. The conference was incredible. The Lord called out to all His people as soon as I arrived and I had absolutely no choice but to obey. With tears in my eyes and a heart brimming with joy, I accepted Jesus Christ as my Lord and Saviour, and was saved by His eternal Grace. AMEN!!

Joy. A small word. But yet it was something I had not felt for real since I was a small child. Maybe a bit when my children were born. But my heart never sang with such overwhelming and powerful joy as when I took Lord Jesus' hand and began to walk with Him. His love swept me away to places in my heart I'd never known. His majesty filled me with an awe I'd never felt. His power showed me the way to salvation. He is my king!! Nothing has been the same ever since that weekend. Upon returning home, Candice thought I'd been swapped by aliens for a big ol' loving, happy clone of myself. And I found a new family, God's family, right here in a little village church.

This is the part of the blog where I turn the keyboard over to the Lord and let Him write it. Next issue, we'll talk about God's place in my life, and the struggle I've had to keep Him there. Stay tuned, and maybe dust off the New Testament and check out the Gospel of John if you haven't read it. It's definitely worth the read. We'll talk again soon.